Like a Virgin Touched for the Very Last Time

Ok, so Michelle said I should write about this and I have been nervous about this subject. I know, me, nervous about writing about anything is a shock for you guys but, I'm putting this out there and if it's too much (like any of my other posts haven't been too much?) you can blame my dear old sister-in-law and BFF Molanki!

Ok, so I guess I never thought about what could happen during childbirth, really what I mean is what could happen after childbirth. I think I was totally in shock about the fact that I had to go through 17 hours of labor and then have like a month of pain afterward, well actually more like 4 months of pain afterward, but I will explain later. After I had the baby, I sat in the shower for like 2 hours, I seriously think I had PTSD. I couldn't believe what had happened to me!! Ok, I digress, back to the subject at hand.

Remember back to the time when losing your virginity held such magic? You wondered who it would be with? You kind of realistically knew there wouldn't be fireworks but, you still sort of hoped for it. You read the romance novels with the savages and ravishing the red head beauty and you invisioned, even though you were no where near like the character in the novel, that it was you. That it was you lying there in the full moon with your white alabaster breast heaving in the tee-pee shaking with anticipation and your lover comes with his throbbing manhood and....well you know how it goes.

Then, reality hits, there is no tee-pee and his strong hands don't caress your body. It's mostly fumbling and awkward and "OW! What the hell?" That is not what I expected at all. Anyway, girls, I got to experience it twice. Much to the delight of my husband and horror to myself.

Let's just say, I received many stitches after the baby was born and as I healed something didn't feel quite right. The hole was there and all but, before there was no skin. Now, the skin was there before the end of things. When I first felt it I thought, oh I'm just healing from everything but, as time went on, things still weren't hey ho, hey ho. I went to the docs and they said everything was fine. They actually said "after birth some women have it easy and some women don't" and with a smile she said "I guess you won't have it easy but keep working at it." I wanted to take that speculum she was clicking in my hoo=hoo and stick it down her m)*&&^ F877ing throat!!!!

Anyway, I tried to be all I could be, I climbed every mountain, I really tried. I tried as in, lubs (which I'm allergic to by the way, not cool), visualization, relaxation. It was horrible. It was like I was a virgin again but, worse because this was skin not meant to rip. My husband was very patient but, well he's a man and every once in a while, bit off a little more than I could chew let's say.

But, everyone, FINALLY four months later. I've had success. I've done it and no it's not like my apache man has come to ravish me but, I'm back to normal. Kind of but really close to normal. I really hate that doctor who sewed me up and you know what? She was pregnant too and I can't help but hope it was her first and she ripped and someone sewed her up too! Ok, sorry but it's true, I'm not going to mince words. Do I ever? Ok, so I had success, woo hooo! Back to the grab my boob, kiss me and think I'm ready fun. Oh damn! Maybe I should have plead the fifth after all!