Can You Spare a Square?

Today I would like to talk about the real hassle of toilet paper, yes toilet paper not that I don't want to wipe or anything but, REALLY it can be such a hassle. Here a few things that I would like to say about toilet paper and wiping in general.

-I hate when you sit down and go poop and then realize there is no toilet paper, you look around for anything tissues, napkin anything. I'm not going to lie, here is the gods honest truth, this happened to me recently and I was home alone for once and I went through the trash and found an old breast pad and wiped my butt with it. I had to! It was actually quite pleasant all soft and absorbent.

-Ever go into a public restroom with those economy size roles in the big plastic thing and you can't get the toilet paper to come off the role? You keep rolling and rolling and it won't come off. Round and round and round and you can't reach your hand up there to take it off the thing so you just have to keep going around until it comes off. Plus, sometimes that plastic thing that goes across is sharp and hurts your hand! This just happened to me and I was so annoyed that it motivated me to write this blog today.

-Don't you hate when you just can't seem to get the poo off your bum. You wipe and wipe and wipe and suddenly your butt is bleeding and sore and you still have poo on the toilet paper. Come on! We all look to see what's on that paper!

-What about when you don't wipe enough? You're in a rush, you're somewhere gross and can't wait to get out of there so you wipe so quickly that there are still some remnants and it starts to feel uncomfortable and stingy and you know EXACTLY what it is and you know when you look at your under wear the next time there will be a little remnant of what you didn't take care of.

-What about when you roll the toilet paper and it comes off the role like amazing quickly and scatters all over the floor and all you really want to do is gather that stuff up and flush it but, you can't because not only will it clog the toilet but, it's a waste of paper so you take the time and annoyingly wrap it back onto the roll and then you have this big round mound sticking on your roll which won't roll around!

-What about when you have remnants on your hoo-hoo and it balls up and sticks to the hair and you have to yank it off and yowsah, that hurts! Or even worse, you go to have a romantic night with your significant other and they are like, YUCK! You got TP on your hoo hoo!

One more before I go, don't you hate when you are wiping and toilet paper rips and you get poop on your finger! That is by far the grossest I think. No one wants poop on their finger unless they are like 2 and then they can't get enough poop on their finger!