The Fascinating World of Breastmilk

Ok, first I would like to start off by saying, Greg if you are reading this, stop because it is a subject you don't like to talk about. Ok, so back to the topic at hand. Breastmilk. I'm fascinated by it, by the production of it, by the whole topic of it. It's been four months since I started pumping and it still fascinates me. What is it that fascinates me you ask? Well, of course it's me and I'm going to tell you in great detail.

1. the most normal of the things, it fascinates me that I can produce food, actual food, that has made my baby grow and gain weight. He has gone from 8 to almost 14 pounds, living off something that comes from my boob. Crazy! I could actually make kinds of food, cheese, icecream and yogurt. I know gross, nevermind.

2. I can't believe it comes out of my boob and has many holes, who knew! I like to count when I am pumping. I have determined that my left boob contains 10 holes and my right contains 8 which is weird because my right boob pumps the most milk. Amazing!

3. You can squirt breast milk out of your boob really far! I became a little obsessed with this for a while, squirting at Steven and at objects like a target. Then, I had to limit it to the shower because, well it's milk and gets sour and stinky. Woops! Should have thought of that before. But, I now totally understand why little boys when first potty training squirt it all over the place, I mean it's really cool to be able to squirt stuff and see how far you can squirt it.

4. People actually pay to get something you produce for FREE! SO COOL!

5. I read that PETA was trying to get Ben and Jerry's to make icecream out of it and I thought gross but, then I thought I eat eggs out of a chickens hoo-hoo and drink milk from a dirty old cow teat, so what's the difference? Yeah I know, I still can't get over it either but, if Ben and Jerry's needs to hire people for it, I would be a great candidate and if you work at Ben and Jerry's you get like up to 3 pints of free icecream a day! Only cow milk icecream for me though.

6. Do you know how much creamer costs? It's like 3 something a bottle. I know it would be the perfect creamer. It's milky and sweet and good for you too. I know it goes back to point #2 & #5. I just can't do it.

7. You burn calories pumping the stuff. BURN CALORIES! Like 500 a day. You can't even get that from running on the treadmill and all you have to do is sit there. I lost 20 pounds doing it. Move over Dexatrim! I'm seriously considering never stopping! If only pumping were more convenient at work...

Ok, I'm going to switch off for a second to the topic of pumping at work. OMG, it is so inconvenient. I work at a navy yard and I have to park far away from my car so I can't really do it there. Plus, there is tons of security and I'm sure if I sat in my car with that thing loudly pumping someone would think I had a bomb or something. I can just see security surrounding my car and asking me to put my hands up and well you can just visualize the rest. So, there really is no convenient place to do it. I do it in the conference room with a sign up and people try and peek in because they are so curious! I don't really blame them because I'm nosy myself but, HONESTLY! Also, I have to eat lunch all by my lonesome while pumping every day. But, still the whole calorie burning thing and feeding my baby does make it worth it.

I guess that is all I got for now. I'm off to go burn some calories!