This weekend was a wild, crazy chaotic fun time. We had Makayla, Ian and Payden for the weekend and it was such a good but, loud and crazy time. Put it this way, we had four dogs (3 of our own and Milo), 4 kids (1 one of our own and 3 not), 2 cats, Steven and myself in a 1700 square foot home. It was a zoo literally! I could have sold tickets to the weekends events. Let's focus on Saturday afternoon.
The kids arrived around 12pm on Saturday. They were very excited to come because we were going roller-skating. Did you ever think when you were a kid roller-skating would be something that kids didn't even know what it was? So weird! I think back to my days at Happy Wheels. Birthday parties in the side room and going off to skate to the happening music, dark lights and the flashing disco ball in the middle. It was like a middle school dance but, better because there were boys you didn't know your whole life there AND you were rolling skating. I could never roller skate backwards so I always had to hold hands and roller skate with a good skater so they could go backward. Oh, the days at Happy Wheels! Talking with the girls in the bathroom about boys, sweaty hand-holding fun! Anyway, I digress as usual.
So, we drive to Happy Wheels and on the way there, the kids are talking. First, the girls were asking what roller skates looked like. I told them the one's that used to be there were an ugly brown color with orange wheels. The girls both said in unison "Eww!" While Ian said "Cool, I hope I get the ugliest pair!" "Why would you want the ugliest pair Ian?" I replied. Ian says "because if I have an ugly pair no girls will like me and want to marry me. I'm not marrying a girl!" I said prompting him on "Are you going to marry a boy?" he said "Yes, I'm marrying Milo!" So funny.
However, 10 minutes later I hear them chatting in the back and Ian turns to Makayla and says in his goofy voice we know so well "Oooohh pretty...I want to kiss you!" I'm thinking to myself, yeah right he doesn't want a girl to like him! Makayla gives him one of her nasty looks just like her mom does and I can't help but surpress a giggle. I can tell though she's slightly intrigued so, I'm thinking, those kids are NOT spending ANY time alone!! Remember last time, Cammie and Christina?????
Well, Payden turns to Ian and says "Ian you can kiss ME if you want. Really! You can kiss me, like for real!" Oh god! Ian wasn't interested though, thank god!
A follow-up to Makayla's dirty look to Ian about the kiss. Later, she asked me where they were going to sleep and I said they could sleep downstairs on the fold out couch or upstairs in the baby's room on the floor. Makayla says, "I don't care. I just want to sleep wherever Ian is sleeping." I think we have a romance in the making. They sat next to each other all weekend. Sharing the recliner and everything. They were really cute.
So, we get to the roller-skating rink and Steven takes the kids out first while I stay with. It was so hilarious! The place looks EXACTLY the same. Same blue rug with swirls of color, same blue rink, same disco ball, everything. Even same brown roller-skates with orange wheels much to the dismay of Makayla and Payden. Ian was happy though. Steven takes the kids out and I laughed the whole time (all on video by the way). Ian was falling all over the place, Makayla and Payden were pushing themselves using the bar to hang on to for leverage. Steven was doing ok for not going in like 20 years.
When Steven gets back I'm dying to get out. I felt that old thrill and couldn't wait to get out there. I knew there would be no backwards skating holding hand action but, still I wanted to skate, feel the wind in my hair, see the disco ball. So, after Steven FINALLY relieved me to go, he was having too much fun too, I get my skates on and stand up and realize, this is definitely not like riding a bike and the thrill is gone and basically, I really SUCK! I was never good but, now I'm really bad.
So, now is my turn. I can't even help the kids because I could barely stand. I'm falling all over the place hanging on the bar for my life. I fall and smash my face on the bar while YES, on camera and then the piece de resistance. I get to the end of the circle and realize the bar ends! I forgot that part and I'm forced to skate without the aid of the bar across the opening where people get in and out. I hung on to the end pretty desperately for a while little kids look up at me like "lady what is wrong with you?" I finally let go and I skate slowly over to Steven all the while he is video taping me and suddenly I lose my balance and I go down, HARD, face first 1/2 on the blue rink and 1/2 on the 40 year old blue carpet with my shirt riding up and my love handles hanging out. Oh the horror! Which half landed on the nasty carpet you ask? Of course, my face! Steven is laughing so hard and continuing to tape while I crawl over to him begging for him to help me and laughing so hard at myself and YES, it is all on tape. Steven kept playing it and rewinding and playing and rewinding all weekend! Pain in my butt!
So, after 45 minutes thekids not Steven (well Ian stopped after 5 minutes and sat eyeing the skee-ball and video games and in his words "dreaming about playing skee-ball." Think he wanted a quarter?), wanted to go and as we are pulling out of the parking lot, Payden turns and says "Can we go to Chuck E Cheese now?"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Miracle of Birth IV
So, I have to move rooms. I'm already in active labor and because I want an epidural and I can't have the water birth, I have to move. Well, I don't care because I would do anything to get that relief.
So, I'm trying to gear up to walk across the hall but, everytime I begin to move it hurts so bad and another contraction is hitting me. Finally, I just start walking out and as I'm walking out I get a flash out of the corner of my eye. No, not a camera but, worse. Some people are waving at me and smiling. Uh, hello? I'm like dying here people and you are waving at me! Do I look like I want to wave at you? Do I look up for a wave, smile and a chatty chat, huh? huh? It was these people from my birthing class. Btw, this was the woman who said childbirth didn't hurt. So, obviously she is clinically insane and they are waving at me. I couldn't even wave back. I just looked at them and continued to make my way across the hall to my epidural! Later they went up to Steven and were like "We saw Amy and we are really concerned. Is she ok?" Of course I'm not ok, psycho lady! I'm in active labor!
So, I get across the hall and I really didn't know what I was saying. It's like when you drink WAY too much and can't remember the night before just bits and pieces. I wish I was drunk! But, Steven was more than happy to share later, of course. So, apparently, I would NOT stop talking about the epidural. They would ask me to do something and I would be like "If I do this, can I get my epidural?" or "Do you want your mom and sister to come in?" I'm like "if they come in, can I get my epidural?" It felt like it was taking forever and guess what, it was! No, seriously it really was. So, most people get the epidural when they are like 4 cm right, maybe 5? I got mine at 9 cm!!!! Yes, seriously 9 cm!!! Apparently the doctor was stuck in surgery and couldn't take two secs to stick a huge needle in my back and save me!
So, here is a part I find particularly funny. If it hadn't been for Steven, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. No, that's not the funny part. See, Steven started counting with me through the contractions and getting me to focus. I actually got a little out of the bad place.
BTW, don't EVER EVER EVER get any of the other drugs other than the epidural. They don't work and actually make things worse. Believe me, while I went from 4 to 9 cm, I had every cocktail they could make up. I'm sorry for those natural birthers out there, but I was willing to try anything! ANYTHING! All of which made me worse. Totally woozy and tired but, no relief from pain. I needed relief from pain not anti-anxiety meds nursy!
So, let's try this again, HERE is the funny part. During our birthing classes, we were watching this couple in labor and they were breathing together face to face and I turned to Steven and said "DON'T you dare do that to me!" Well, during my 4-9cm span, I was grabbing onto Steven's face and literally smooshing it into mine. It just made me feel better somehow! who knew? Michelle, you might want to try it. Worked for me!
So, finally my mom and sister couldn't take it anymore so they bust in. I guess they were like "Amy doesn't want us? What? We are her mom and sister? Are you sure you are talking about Amy?" They were so bummed. Well, as soon as they got in there, I did feel better and wished they had come in sooner. Next time, if there is a next time, ok there will be nanny don't worry. Next time, I want them in there from the beginning. Here is another thing Michelle, have those in the room that you want from the beginning because if you wait too long you won't be able to think straight and believe me, having your mom and sis is SO great. Women are good at this stuff. So, immediately, my mom and sister come in and grab my legs which were shaking so bad and uncontrollably. It was just what I needed. I don't know they knew but, they did and I felt more in control. I didn't realize the shaking was making me feel so much worse and they were encouraging me like "doing great, go go and stuff." It was perfect.
So, I'm at 9cm and the doc finally gets there and is like "you are almost ready to push, you sure you want the epidural" and I'm like "HELL YES!" You made me wait all this time promising me it was coming and I want it. I don't care if it's an hour of relief which by the way was what I got and it was the most wonderful, glorious hour in my life.
So, the epidural comes and it's like, life is there again. I can still feel my legs and stuff. You hear those horror stories and stuff so I was a little scared but, that doctor rocked! I had relief from the pain but, could still feel things that I needed to so it was actually really good, until the pushing started.
2 1/2 hours of pushing, whew! Actually looking back it wasn't the hardest part. My sister, mom and Steven were shouting me on and Steven was giving me water out of a big water bottle. I kind of felt like Rocky or something. da da da da da da da da da da (Rocky Theme song playing there). So, hear that music in your head as I give you the rest. Flying High Now! Flying High Now! I push and push and push and push. I sweat, I poop, I pee, I rip, I get a hematoma and I push and I'm climbing the stairs that are on fire just like my hoo hoo (oh the burn)up to the rocky statue and I made it! I made it! One little "get it out now!" and ok lots of screaming which I didn't even know I was doing and out comes the baby. They take him and put his warm and slimy body which wasn't gross at all. It was so cool and they say "It's a boy! and I secretly wanted a boy but of course said the polite bull-crap answer "as long as it's healthy" which is kind of true but, I did want a boy. He was so awesome and picked his head up and looked right at me and I was so amazed. It was love at first sight and just look at him now? He is awesome and still he gets up through the night and sometimes I can't stand him fussing but, he is so awesome. I love him sooo much and you know what. I'm not ready to do it again anytime real soon but, it was worth it. For him, I would do it again, twice maybe. Ok, maybe just once but, still that's true love!
So, I'm trying to gear up to walk across the hall but, everytime I begin to move it hurts so bad and another contraction is hitting me. Finally, I just start walking out and as I'm walking out I get a flash out of the corner of my eye. No, not a camera but, worse. Some people are waving at me and smiling. Uh, hello? I'm like dying here people and you are waving at me! Do I look like I want to wave at you? Do I look up for a wave, smile and a chatty chat, huh? huh? It was these people from my birthing class. Btw, this was the woman who said childbirth didn't hurt. So, obviously she is clinically insane and they are waving at me. I couldn't even wave back. I just looked at them and continued to make my way across the hall to my epidural! Later they went up to Steven and were like "We saw Amy and we are really concerned. Is she ok?" Of course I'm not ok, psycho lady! I'm in active labor!
So, I get across the hall and I really didn't know what I was saying. It's like when you drink WAY too much and can't remember the night before just bits and pieces. I wish I was drunk! But, Steven was more than happy to share later, of course. So, apparently, I would NOT stop talking about the epidural. They would ask me to do something and I would be like "If I do this, can I get my epidural?" or "Do you want your mom and sister to come in?" I'm like "if they come in, can I get my epidural?" It felt like it was taking forever and guess what, it was! No, seriously it really was. So, most people get the epidural when they are like 4 cm right, maybe 5? I got mine at 9 cm!!!! Yes, seriously 9 cm!!! Apparently the doctor was stuck in surgery and couldn't take two secs to stick a huge needle in my back and save me!
So, here is a part I find particularly funny. If it hadn't been for Steven, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. No, that's not the funny part. See, Steven started counting with me through the contractions and getting me to focus. I actually got a little out of the bad place.
BTW, don't EVER EVER EVER get any of the other drugs other than the epidural. They don't work and actually make things worse. Believe me, while I went from 4 to 9 cm, I had every cocktail they could make up. I'm sorry for those natural birthers out there, but I was willing to try anything! ANYTHING! All of which made me worse. Totally woozy and tired but, no relief from pain. I needed relief from pain not anti-anxiety meds nursy!
So, let's try this again, HERE is the funny part. During our birthing classes, we were watching this couple in labor and they were breathing together face to face and I turned to Steven and said "DON'T you dare do that to me!" Well, during my 4-9cm span, I was grabbing onto Steven's face and literally smooshing it into mine. It just made me feel better somehow! who knew? Michelle, you might want to try it. Worked for me!
So, finally my mom and sister couldn't take it anymore so they bust in. I guess they were like "Amy doesn't want us? What? We are her mom and sister? Are you sure you are talking about Amy?" They were so bummed. Well, as soon as they got in there, I did feel better and wished they had come in sooner. Next time, if there is a next time, ok there will be nanny don't worry. Next time, I want them in there from the beginning. Here is another thing Michelle, have those in the room that you want from the beginning because if you wait too long you won't be able to think straight and believe me, having your mom and sis is SO great. Women are good at this stuff. So, immediately, my mom and sister come in and grab my legs which were shaking so bad and uncontrollably. It was just what I needed. I don't know they knew but, they did and I felt more in control. I didn't realize the shaking was making me feel so much worse and they were encouraging me like "doing great, go go and stuff." It was perfect.
So, I'm at 9cm and the doc finally gets there and is like "you are almost ready to push, you sure you want the epidural" and I'm like "HELL YES!" You made me wait all this time promising me it was coming and I want it. I don't care if it's an hour of relief which by the way was what I got and it was the most wonderful, glorious hour in my life.
So, the epidural comes and it's like, life is there again. I can still feel my legs and stuff. You hear those horror stories and stuff so I was a little scared but, that doctor rocked! I had relief from the pain but, could still feel things that I needed to so it was actually really good, until the pushing started.
2 1/2 hours of pushing, whew! Actually looking back it wasn't the hardest part. My sister, mom and Steven were shouting me on and Steven was giving me water out of a big water bottle. I kind of felt like Rocky or something. da da da da da da da da da da (Rocky Theme song playing there). So, hear that music in your head as I give you the rest. Flying High Now! Flying High Now! I push and push and push and push. I sweat, I poop, I pee, I rip, I get a hematoma and I push and I'm climbing the stairs that are on fire just like my hoo hoo (oh the burn)up to the rocky statue and I made it! I made it! One little "get it out now!" and ok lots of screaming which I didn't even know I was doing and out comes the baby. They take him and put his warm and slimy body which wasn't gross at all. It was so cool and they say "It's a boy! and I secretly wanted a boy but of course said the polite bull-crap answer "as long as it's healthy" which is kind of true but, I did want a boy. He was so awesome and picked his head up and looked right at me and I was so amazed. It was love at first sight and just look at him now? He is awesome and still he gets up through the night and sometimes I can't stand him fussing but, he is so awesome. I love him sooo much and you know what. I'm not ready to do it again anytime real soon but, it was worth it. For him, I would do it again, twice maybe. Ok, maybe just once but, still that's true love!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Miracle of Birth Part III
I KNOW I've been totally slacking on my blogging and it's because I've been so busy at work which is cool but, don't they know I have a blog to write, GAWD! Anyway, back to the "Miracle of Birth!"
So, the mucus plug is out and my water or shall I say Niagra has starting coming out and honey it is definitely time.
So, the rest is kind of a blur after the beginning. The beginning wasn't so bad really. I walked around for a few hours and had some pretty bad cramps and then they turned worse and then it started feeling like a knife jabbing me in my uterus from the inside out and suddenly I wasn't feeling so nicey nicey and the sweet nurses started really annoying me. They were like "oh good, look! Amy isn't smiling anymore and she can barely stand during contractions!" Oh good? I'm dying and you say oh good? F U is all I have to say to that but, I surprised myself and Steven ALOT. I didn't swear or scream at him. I did scream later I guess but, at that point I didn't know what was happening.
Anyway, that comes later. First, after I couldn't walk anymore, I got in the shower and it was SO awesome. I felt so much better and I really didn't want anyone around me so it was perfect. Steven was just watching TV in the other room and he was thinking to himself "This isn't so bad at all." She's doing great which I was until they took me out of the friggin shower to check me and then all hell broke loose.
So, anyway, I'm in the shower and I've got a little routine down. I'm sitting during the short, way too short, unbelievably too short, time when I don't have contractions and standing and rocking back and forth when I do. It was working fine but, suddenly I found I was standing a lot more than sitting and when I was standing I was gripping harder and harder on the bars and oh god this is So awful. Steven had left to go get the camera or something like that and while he was gone, they decided to get me out of the shower and check me.
First the nurse puts her hand up my hoo hoo and says I'm about 4 inches and blah blah blah effaced. I don't really care. All I hear is 4 cm and I'm like how am I supposed to live through 6 more! This is only going to get worse, seriously, worse? I can't do it, I can't do it, OH god I need meds or something. I really can't do this. Oh god, oh god, oh god!!! Ahhh!!!! So, this is when I remember what Christina said "If you get out of control, it's bad, keep in control." and I'm like what the F? I didn't know what she was talking about then but, now I do. I'm totally freakin out and its hurting so bad and the doctor comes in and sticks her hand up my hoo hoo while I'm having a contraction and oh god, I'm dying, I'm seriously dying. Ok, Michelle stop reading now.
So, the doctor says, "ok, moving along nicely, you are at 3 cm. WhAAAAT! The nurse just said 4. don't take me back lady! Please don't take me back! Just lie to me, tell me I'm at 9cm. I can't see my hoo hoo! I'll believe you. But, now it's too late. The damage is done and remember what Christina said. Well, ladies and gents, I am TOTALLY out of control now. I can't even see straight. Where the hell is Steven? I'm like seriously running around the room like "I can't do this, I can't do this" and the nurses are trying to grab me and look in their eyes and concentrate or some dumb crap that doesn't work. The try and get me on the friggin ball and I'm like "screw you!" Well, I don't say it but, I'm surely thinking it and the nurse is grabbing me and saying "you ARE doing it, Amy, you are doing great! Look in my eyes and breathe" and I'm thinking "Lady, I don't know you, I don't want to look in your eyes and I certainly don't give a sh.. about breathing." Oh god, where is Steven, where is Steven? I must really love him because he was the ONLY person I wanted to see at the moment. He comes back and I'm running all over the room with the nurses running after me and he's like "What happened?" and I blurt out "I NEED the epidural!! I REALLY NEED it!" knock me out, give me drugs, I don't care what you have to do but, take me out of this misery! I SAID MICHELLE STOP reading this. You know she won't do it. I wouldn't either!
He's like "You can do it. You were doing great!" WERE being the important word here. "I DON"T CARE how I WAS doing!" I say "I NEED the epidural" Why won't anyone listen to me! Now, I'm crying and the nurses are telling me that I can do it and NO ONE could convince me that I could it was too late. I had gone to the bad place and I wasn't coming back until I got my epidural. SO, they say to me, "You can't have the waterbirth with an epidural" which I'm like "no Sh..why do you think I'm trying to do it without the epidural in the first place?" I thought you were supposed to be the nurse! So, I'm like I don't care, whatever I need to do or say to get the epidural, I'm doing it!
So, I have to switch rooms!
Ok, this is going to be a book by the time I'm done!
So, the mucus plug is out and my water or shall I say Niagra has starting coming out and honey it is definitely time.
So, the rest is kind of a blur after the beginning. The beginning wasn't so bad really. I walked around for a few hours and had some pretty bad cramps and then they turned worse and then it started feeling like a knife jabbing me in my uterus from the inside out and suddenly I wasn't feeling so nicey nicey and the sweet nurses started really annoying me. They were like "oh good, look! Amy isn't smiling anymore and she can barely stand during contractions!" Oh good? I'm dying and you say oh good? F U is all I have to say to that but, I surprised myself and Steven ALOT. I didn't swear or scream at him. I did scream later I guess but, at that point I didn't know what was happening.
Anyway, that comes later. First, after I couldn't walk anymore, I got in the shower and it was SO awesome. I felt so much better and I really didn't want anyone around me so it was perfect. Steven was just watching TV in the other room and he was thinking to himself "This isn't so bad at all." She's doing great which I was until they took me out of the friggin shower to check me and then all hell broke loose.
So, anyway, I'm in the shower and I've got a little routine down. I'm sitting during the short, way too short, unbelievably too short, time when I don't have contractions and standing and rocking back and forth when I do. It was working fine but, suddenly I found I was standing a lot more than sitting and when I was standing I was gripping harder and harder on the bars and oh god this is So awful. Steven had left to go get the camera or something like that and while he was gone, they decided to get me out of the shower and check me.
First the nurse puts her hand up my hoo hoo and says I'm about 4 inches and blah blah blah effaced. I don't really care. All I hear is 4 cm and I'm like how am I supposed to live through 6 more! This is only going to get worse, seriously, worse? I can't do it, I can't do it, OH god I need meds or something. I really can't do this. Oh god, oh god, oh god!!! Ahhh!!!! So, this is when I remember what Christina said "If you get out of control, it's bad, keep in control." and I'm like what the F? I didn't know what she was talking about then but, now I do. I'm totally freakin out and its hurting so bad and the doctor comes in and sticks her hand up my hoo hoo while I'm having a contraction and oh god, I'm dying, I'm seriously dying. Ok, Michelle stop reading now.
So, the doctor says, "ok, moving along nicely, you are at 3 cm. WhAAAAT! The nurse just said 4. don't take me back lady! Please don't take me back! Just lie to me, tell me I'm at 9cm. I can't see my hoo hoo! I'll believe you. But, now it's too late. The damage is done and remember what Christina said. Well, ladies and gents, I am TOTALLY out of control now. I can't even see straight. Where the hell is Steven? I'm like seriously running around the room like "I can't do this, I can't do this" and the nurses are trying to grab me and look in their eyes and concentrate or some dumb crap that doesn't work. The try and get me on the friggin ball and I'm like "screw you!" Well, I don't say it but, I'm surely thinking it and the nurse is grabbing me and saying "you ARE doing it, Amy, you are doing great! Look in my eyes and breathe" and I'm thinking "Lady, I don't know you, I don't want to look in your eyes and I certainly don't give a sh.. about breathing." Oh god, where is Steven, where is Steven? I must really love him because he was the ONLY person I wanted to see at the moment. He comes back and I'm running all over the room with the nurses running after me and he's like "What happened?" and I blurt out "I NEED the epidural!! I REALLY NEED it!" knock me out, give me drugs, I don't care what you have to do but, take me out of this misery! I SAID MICHELLE STOP reading this. You know she won't do it. I wouldn't either!
He's like "You can do it. You were doing great!" WERE being the important word here. "I DON"T CARE how I WAS doing!" I say "I NEED the epidural" Why won't anyone listen to me! Now, I'm crying and the nurses are telling me that I can do it and NO ONE could convince me that I could it was too late. I had gone to the bad place and I wasn't coming back until I got my epidural. SO, they say to me, "You can't have the waterbirth with an epidural" which I'm like "no Sh..why do you think I'm trying to do it without the epidural in the first place?" I thought you were supposed to be the nurse! So, I'm like I don't care, whatever I need to do or say to get the epidural, I'm doing it!
So, I have to switch rooms!
Ok, this is going to be a book by the time I'm done!
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