Miracle of Birth Part III

I KNOW I've been totally slacking on my blogging and it's because I've been so busy at work which is cool but, don't they know I have a blog to write, GAWD! Anyway, back to the "Miracle of Birth!"

So, the mucus plug is out and my water or shall I say Niagra has starting coming out and honey it is definitely time.

So, the rest is kind of a blur after the beginning. The beginning wasn't so bad really. I walked around for a few hours and had some pretty bad cramps and then they turned worse and then it started feeling like a knife jabbing me in my uterus from the inside out and suddenly I wasn't feeling so nicey nicey and the sweet nurses started really annoying me. They were like "oh good, look! Amy isn't smiling anymore and she can barely stand during contractions!" Oh good? I'm dying and you say oh good? F U is all I have to say to that but, I surprised myself and Steven ALOT. I didn't swear or scream at him. I did scream later I guess but, at that point I didn't know what was happening.

Anyway, that comes later. First, after I couldn't walk anymore, I got in the shower and it was SO awesome. I felt so much better and I really didn't want anyone around me so it was perfect. Steven was just watching TV in the other room and he was thinking to himself "This isn't so bad at all." She's doing great which I was until they took me out of the friggin shower to check me and then all hell broke loose.

So, anyway, I'm in the shower and I've got a little routine down. I'm sitting during the short, way too short, unbelievably too short, time when I don't have contractions and standing and rocking back and forth when I do. It was working fine but, suddenly I found I was standing a lot more than sitting and when I was standing I was gripping harder and harder on the bars and oh god this is So awful. Steven had left to go get the camera or something like that and while he was gone, they decided to get me out of the shower and check me.

First the nurse puts her hand up my hoo hoo and says I'm about 4 inches and blah blah blah effaced. I don't really care. All I hear is 4 cm and I'm like how am I supposed to live through 6 more! This is only going to get worse, seriously, worse? I can't do it, I can't do it, OH god I need meds or something. I really can't do this. Oh god, oh god, oh god!!! Ahhh!!!! So, this is when I remember what Christina said "If you get out of control, it's bad, keep in control." and I'm like what the F? I didn't know what she was talking about then but, now I do. I'm totally freakin out and its hurting so bad and the doctor comes in and sticks her hand up my hoo hoo while I'm having a contraction and oh god, I'm dying, I'm seriously dying. Ok, Michelle stop reading now.

So, the doctor says, "ok, moving along nicely, you are at 3 cm. WhAAAAT! The nurse just said 4. don't take me back lady! Please don't take me back! Just lie to me, tell me I'm at 9cm. I can't see my hoo hoo! I'll believe you. But, now it's too late. The damage is done and remember what Christina said. Well, ladies and gents, I am TOTALLY out of control now. I can't even see straight. Where the hell is Steven? I'm like seriously running around the room like "I can't do this, I can't do this" and the nurses are trying to grab me and look in their eyes and concentrate or some dumb crap that doesn't work. The try and get me on the friggin ball and I'm like "screw you!" Well, I don't say it but, I'm surely thinking it and the nurse is grabbing me and saying "you ARE doing it, Amy, you are doing great! Look in my eyes and breathe" and I'm thinking "Lady, I don't know you, I don't want to look in your eyes and I certainly don't give a sh.. about breathing." Oh god, where is Steven, where is Steven? I must really love him because he was the ONLY person I wanted to see at the moment. He comes back and I'm running all over the room with the nurses running after me and he's like "What happened?" and I blurt out "I NEED the epidural!! I REALLY NEED it!" knock me out, give me drugs, I don't care what you have to do but, take me out of this misery! I SAID MICHELLE STOP reading this. You know she won't do it. I wouldn't either!

He's like "You can do it. You were doing great!" WERE being the important word here. "I DON"T CARE how I WAS doing!" I say "I NEED the epidural" Why won't anyone listen to me! Now, I'm crying and the nurses are telling me that I can do it and NO ONE could convince me that I could it was too late. I had gone to the bad place and I wasn't coming back until I got my epidural. SO, they say to me, "You can't have the waterbirth with an epidural" which I'm like "no Sh..why do you think I'm trying to do it without the epidural in the first place?" I thought you were supposed to be the nurse! So, I'm like I don't care, whatever I need to do or say to get the epidural, I'm doing it!

So, I have to switch rooms!

Ok, this is going to be a book by the time I'm done!