The Miracle of Birth IV

So, I have to move rooms. I'm already in active labor and because I want an epidural and I can't have the water birth, I have to move. Well, I don't care because I would do anything to get that relief.

So, I'm trying to gear up to walk across the hall but, everytime I begin to move it hurts so bad and another contraction is hitting me. Finally, I just start walking out and as I'm walking out I get a flash out of the corner of my eye. No, not a camera but, worse. Some people are waving at me and smiling. Uh, hello? I'm like dying here people and you are waving at me! Do I look like I want to wave at you? Do I look up for a wave, smile and a chatty chat, huh? huh? It was these people from my birthing class. Btw, this was the woman who said childbirth didn't hurt. So, obviously she is clinically insane and they are waving at me. I couldn't even wave back. I just looked at them and continued to make my way across the hall to my epidural! Later they went up to Steven and were like "We saw Amy and we are really concerned. Is she ok?" Of course I'm not ok, psycho lady! I'm in active labor!

So, I get across the hall and I really didn't know what I was saying. It's like when you drink WAY too much and can't remember the night before just bits and pieces. I wish I was drunk! But, Steven was more than happy to share later, of course. So, apparently, I would NOT stop talking about the epidural. They would ask me to do something and I would be like "If I do this, can I get my epidural?" or "Do you want your mom and sister to come in?" I'm like "if they come in, can I get my epidural?" It felt like it was taking forever and guess what, it was! No, seriously it really was. So, most people get the epidural when they are like 4 cm right, maybe 5? I got mine at 9 cm!!!! Yes, seriously 9 cm!!! Apparently the doctor was stuck in surgery and couldn't take two secs to stick a huge needle in my back and save me!

So, here is a part I find particularly funny. If it hadn't been for Steven, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. No, that's not the funny part. See, Steven started counting with me through the contractions and getting me to focus. I actually got a little out of the bad place.

BTW, don't EVER EVER EVER get any of the other drugs other than the epidural. They don't work and actually make things worse. Believe me, while I went from 4 to 9 cm, I had every cocktail they could make up. I'm sorry for those natural birthers out there, but I was willing to try anything! ANYTHING! All of which made me worse. Totally woozy and tired but, no relief from pain. I needed relief from pain not anti-anxiety meds nursy!

So, let's try this again, HERE is the funny part. During our birthing classes, we were watching this couple in labor and they were breathing together face to face and I turned to Steven and said "DON'T you dare do that to me!" Well, during my 4-9cm span, I was grabbing onto Steven's face and literally smooshing it into mine. It just made me feel better somehow! who knew? Michelle, you might want to try it. Worked for me!

So, finally my mom and sister couldn't take it anymore so they bust in. I guess they were like "Amy doesn't want us? What? We are her mom and sister? Are you sure you are talking about Amy?" They were so bummed. Well, as soon as they got in there, I did feel better and wished they had come in sooner. Next time, if there is a next time, ok there will be nanny don't worry. Next time, I want them in there from the beginning. Here is another thing Michelle, have those in the room that you want from the beginning because if you wait too long you won't be able to think straight and believe me, having your mom and sis is SO great. Women are good at this stuff. So, immediately, my mom and sister come in and grab my legs which were shaking so bad and uncontrollably. It was just what I needed. I don't know they knew but, they did and I felt more in control. I didn't realize the shaking was making me feel so much worse and they were encouraging me like "doing great, go go and stuff." It was perfect.

So, I'm at 9cm and the doc finally gets there and is like "you are almost ready to push, you sure you want the epidural" and I'm like "HELL YES!" You made me wait all this time promising me it was coming and I want it. I don't care if it's an hour of relief which by the way was what I got and it was the most wonderful, glorious hour in my life.

So, the epidural comes and it's like, life is there again. I can still feel my legs and stuff. You hear those horror stories and stuff so I was a little scared but, that doctor rocked! I had relief from the pain but, could still feel things that I needed to so it was actually really good, until the pushing started.

2 1/2 hours of pushing, whew! Actually looking back it wasn't the hardest part. My sister, mom and Steven were shouting me on and Steven was giving me water out of a big water bottle. I kind of felt like Rocky or something. da da da da da da da da da da (Rocky Theme song playing there). So, hear that music in your head as I give you the rest. Flying High Now! Flying High Now! I push and push and push and push. I sweat, I poop, I pee, I rip, I get a hematoma and I push and I'm climbing the stairs that are on fire just like my hoo hoo (oh the burn)up to the rocky statue and I made it! I made it! One little "get it out now!" and ok lots of screaming which I didn't even know I was doing and out comes the baby. They take him and put his warm and slimy body which wasn't gross at all. It was so cool and they say "It's a boy! and I secretly wanted a boy but of course said the polite bull-crap answer "as long as it's healthy" which is kind of true but, I did want a boy. He was so awesome and picked his head up and looked right at me and I was so amazed. It was love at first sight and just look at him now? He is awesome and still he gets up through the night and sometimes I can't stand him fussing but, he is so awesome. I love him sooo much and you know what. I'm not ready to do it again anytime real soon but, it was worth it. For him, I would do it again, twice maybe. Ok, maybe just once but, still that's true love!