Gadgets!!!

Ok, so I'm now obsessed with the Gadgets. There are so many and I'm so indecisive, I can't pick which ones to use and I keep changing them and the ones that look really good don't seem to work. What's up with that?

Bad Luck Strikes Again!

Ok, so we have established that I have bad luck and my life is full of crazy debacles so, I thought I would add another one.

On Christmas Eve, I drove home from work and pulled in the driveway. As soon as Steven saw my car, he was like "Oh my god, what did you hit?" I'm like nothing. I am notorious for backing into things. I am really awful at backing up. I just don't get the whole mirror thing so, I crane my neck around as much as I can which means I really still can't see how close I am to things and I can't quite figure out how to drive right that way. It's like, you know those little john boats with the motor that you steer right from and you have to steer the opposite way to go the direction you want? I can't drive those for the life of me. I keep going steering the direction I want it to go and then am like, oh no not that way and I have a really slow reaction time so, hence I've hit rocks and stuff. Anyway, that is how I am backing up and Steven knows it and so he thinks I've hit something. I'm like, I swear I didn't hit anything.

So, we examine the damage and it is bad! The hood has been impacted so hard on top that it has a hole in it but, you can tell nothing has been hit because the front isn't damaged at all. You can tell exactly what happened. I was parked next to a building and a boat load of ice and snow must have fallen off the roof onto my hood and damaged it majorly. So, I call security and report it and they tell me to call back on Monday. When I called this morning, they sent this nasty security guy and he told me there is nothing they can do because I drove it off site. Oh by the way, did I mention that we just bought the car 2 weeks ago????

Daddy Deserves His Props

Ok, so it occurred to me that I have done some serious husband bashing on my blog in my short time blogging so, I thought I would give my husband some props.

One thing my husband is amazing at is knowing my taste. He is awesome at Christmas time and I feel like a chump because I never get him as good of gifts as he gets me. So, this year, I was determined to beat him. I even lied about how much I was spending on him so that I could have an edge on him. I know, totally unfair but, people, my husband is too good at gift giving. I'm serious! He even gets everyone in his family (including me) the nicest cards for Christmas that he takes hours picking out and making sure they are just right for each individual. He makes us all cry, including his dad and my dad every year. Ok, so back to the gift.

So, Steven has been talking about this Finish nailer he wanted for months and we talked about how it was a bit too expensive to buy right now with having the new baby and me being out on maternity leave and all that. So, what did I do? I bought it for him, a good one too, A Bostich. I couldn't wait for him to open it and when he did he was so happy. I thought, finally! I won! I got him the better present! So, what does he do? He says, oh good, here is the gift I am the most excited about for you. It's a card and I think, oh it's one of his sweet cards that he picked out and I opened it. But, no, that jerk, it wasn't from him at all. Well, it was, but..he bought the sweetest card for little Stevie to give to me which was all about how lucky he was to have me for a mom and how hard I worked and inside it was a gift certificate for a one-hour massage! That rat bastard! He beat me again!!! He is just too good!!!

One More Thing

Oh yeah, I thought of another thing about the truth that I was really shocked about and didn't see anywhere. Why doesn't anyone tell you that your period that lasts for like a month after you have the baby stinks really bad! I read all the material about post natal care and it said nothing about that. In fact, it said if you have an unusual smelling discharge after having your baby, you should call your doctor. Unusual as in different than the rotting meat smell coming out of me? I thought I had some serious infection or was dying and it is really embarassing to tell the nurse that you smell like rotten meat but, I did it and they were like, Oh yes that is normal!!! So, for anyone having a baby, don't worry about the rotting meat smell emitting from your body, it is normal. Sorry if it's gross but, it's true and if you don't like it you can always stop reading, right?

I'm Addicted!

Ok, so this morning when I was driving to work I was thinking about blogging. What is up with that? I'm already addicted. So, anyway, as some of you may know, my life is full of calamities, many of which when looking back are COMPLETELY hilarious, well at least to me. So, here is my latest event. Last night, my wonderful and loving husband decides he wants to go last minute shopping and as usual is running late. Now, he goes to his sister's house and picks up the baby and runs out of the house in a whirl and on the way out his thoughtful sister offers to put some milk in a bottle for the baby and Steven my wonderful and loving husband, says "no, we're fine." 10 minutes later he contacts his wife who herself is in Portsmouth picking up stocking stuffers and says, the baby is hungry and crying. Ok, so feed him, right? Well no, he my loving and wonderful husband did not take any milk with him. Who doesn't take any milk when they go shopping with a newborn???? RIGHT! So, anyway, I hear my baby screaming in the background and now I'm freakin' out. Ok, yes he won't die but, for anyone who has or has had a newborn you know that a hungry baby without food is like sticking needles in your eye. So, anyway, I'm in Portsmouth and I am like ok, I have milk in my bag from pumping at work this afternoon, I NEED to get to my baby. So, my loving and wonderful husband asks me to drive to the Week's traffic circle in Dover and meet him so that I can then turn around and drive 25 minutes BACK to Newmarket. I'm psyched of course! So, I drive stressed out and well let's face it somewhat pissed at this point. Ok, again, Who goes shopping with a newborn without milk? Ok, so I drive to Dover and meet him and the baby seems to be ok. He's chewing like mad on his hand but, he's not screaming anymore. He hasn't been fed yet but, he's ok. So, I switch cars with my wonderful and loving husband and proceed to drive back to Newmarket. By this time, I'm swollen with milk needing to pump and I have to poop to be honest. So, I get about 1/2 way there and my husband calls me on my cell phone. "Guess what you don't have?" he says. What? I say. He says, the keys to the house! What? I have a hungry baby in the car, full boobs and I have to poop and you are telling me, you didn't bring house keys with you and think of that when I switched cars with you???? Ok, don't panic I tell myself. Then I remember, wait! I'm saved! I left the dog door open this morning. All is well with universe. So, I drive home and the baby is now screaming of hunger and I think just a few more minutes to get home. I pull in the driveway and trample through 21 inches of snow, yes 21 inches in CLOGS! I get to the back of the yard where the fence door is because the front fence door has been plowed with about 5 feet of snow and I pull on the door. I can hear the baby screaming from the car and I yank harder on the gate and it doesn't budge. I kick the 21 inches from the gate with yes, my clogs and pull as hard as I can and still it doesn't budge. Oh my god! It's frozen! NO NO NO!!!! So, now the baby is screaming of hunger, I'm totally soaked and freezing, I have to pump like no tomorrow and I'm still needing to poop and I can't get in the house! Ok, calm down, calm down I think. I trample through the snow to the car but, as I round the corner of the house I hit a huge icicle with my head and it falls on my friggin foot. Thank god for the 21 inches of snow that broke the landing otherwise, I think it would have broken my foot, seriously! So, I hobble back to the car, to my screaming baby. I get the milk out of my bag and dump it in a bottle, dropping the nipple on dirty floor of the car by the way and I literally suck off the dirt and pop it in my baby's mouth. Ah, sweet relief of at least one of the terrible things going on. I call my husband in tears and say, get home now! He drove like the wind I have to say and even managed to pick up a bottle of Yellowtail to say sorry. After I changed, pumped and went poop, I sat down with my glass of wine and listened to my husband grovel and take care of everything around the house and I thought, maybe it was worth it after all!

Tell it Like it Is

Ok, so Cammie has been telling me I should start my own blog and today I felt inspired so, I thought what they heck? I'll start one. I've been thinking about what I would put in my blog for a while now so, I thought I would start off with some brief thoughts. Steven always tells me that I am a good storyteller meaning in his words, that I am good at exaggerating to make my stories more exciting so I am putting a disclaimer in just in case I might add a bit to my stories on occasion, ok like every time I write.

Anyway, as most of you know I recently had a baby and I have been thinking alot about the truth. As in, why doesn't anyone tell you the truth about having a baby, like the real truth and not the kind truth but, the hard facts of it all. Actually, I find that to be true about a lot of things in life. No one tells you the real truth. Maybe, they forget or something but, I'm going to give you a few examples. Now, some of you may be upset about what I am going to write so if you are faint of heart or naive, don't keep reading. No, I'm really serious, stop reading. BTW, I want to tell you, I love you Steven before you read this! :)

Ok, so here are a few things specifically that no one told me about when I got pregnant/had a baby off the top of my head. Now, these are just a few things and not even remotely all of it. Maybe, I'll add more later.

"Have a birth plan but, be flexible" Amy's translation: Don't bother with a plan because you won't friggin care what the hell you had planned when you are in labor. You won't even know where you are let alone care about your dumb birth plan.

"Make sure you have a strong relationship before deciding to have a baby" Amy's translation: You will not be able to stand your husband after because he is incapable of understanding what you are going through and can never do anything as good as you when it comes to the baby.

"Active labor can be intense" - Amy's translation: INTENSE! PLEASE KILL ME NOW more like it.

"Your life will change" - Amy's translation: You will have no life.

"Take turns at night" -Amy's translation: Your husband will not wake up and by the time you FINALLY wake him up, you will be awake and pissed off, the baby will be screaming and you will wish you didn't try taking turns in the first place.

"Utilize your lactation specialist for breastfeeding help" - Amy's translation: If one more old lady grabs my boob and shoves it in my baby's mouth, I'm going to turn around and shove my big boob in the "lactation specialists" you know where!

Ok, that's all I got for now. Oh, but one more tip. batteries, batteries, batteries! I have my own drawer of batteries. Don't ask, just do it! Especially AA and D and no it's not dirty for all you dirty minds!