If Only I was a Lesbian!

Ok, I know Mimi, I have to finish my birthing story and I keep getting distracted. You have to keep on me. I know it's going to be so long because well I'm so long-winded and I keep putting it off and well, I'm putting it off AGAIN!

I promise I'll get back to it.

The other night Steven had his friends over for poker and Christina didn't have the girls for the night becuase they were sleeping over their cousins house and so she came along too with Matt.

So, we decided to party hardy. I bought lots of wine (of course) and lots of food (of course) and was ready to be bad with my big sis. Well, it's so sad ladies and gents but, I just don't have it like I used to. I used to be able to party like a rock star and drink with the best of them but, now three glasses of wine and I've got a buzz on but, for some reason I keep thinking I can party like I used to and then I have too much and no I don't get totally smashed, I just fall asleep! How boring am I?

Anyway, so it's about 6pm and I'm getting ready for everyone to come over and I pour myself a glass of wine to get in the mood and my sister comes and then the drinking really starts because she can drink A LOT! So, I have four glasses of wine and Little Stevie has fallen asleep and I decide that I'm going to put him to bed and then party like a rock star. Woo hoo!

I think you can see where this is going..YES, I fall asleep and I only wake up at midnight because Steven was shaking me in his drunkin state and handing me a sausage sub in bed. YES, in bed, GROSS! So, what do I do? Why, I eat it of course and it's disgusting. I didn't think you could screw up Sausage subs but, you can, honestly you really can.

So, I fall asleep after eating the gross sub and I wake up again and it's 1am and the baby is up. I realize I left his milk downstairs and I can't see because my eyes are all dried up from my contacts being stuck on my eyeball because I fell asleep with them in and I'm trying to pry them from my eye and it's like a suction cup. Don't you hate that? Anyway, I finally wake up and able to look around and I realize Steven isn't in bed yet. Is he still up? WOW! They are partying crazy like. Wait a minute? Steven isn't in bed with me but, someone else is. Who is that lump in my bed? Oh, it's my sister, Christina. SMART GIRL! She got into bed with me before Steven did. hehehe.

Anyway, I go downstairs and all the lights in the house are on and the TV and radio are blaring. Cards and beers are all over the table and sausauge subs are hanging all over the stove! Remember that movie, "Sixteen Candles" when the pizza is going around the record player as if it were the record? That's what my house looked like! JEEZUS!

It looks like they were playing cards and drinking and eating and then just passed out or something and well, that is exactly what happened! I look in the living room and Steven and Matt are passed out on the pull out couch with no blankets, fully clothed. Jeremy is passed out on the chair, no blankets. They are snoring away like crazy all in different order and it's so loud. I turn everything off and leave everything else including Steven where it is.

So, I get the milk and proceed back upstairs and I realize the baby hasn't started crying while I'm doing all this. What the heck? I go back upstairs and there is my sister, sleeping and giving the baby a pacifier. So, I take his pacy out and give him a bottle and fall back asleep.

Ok, 3am, baby wakes up again. This time Christina has him in her arms before me and is rocking him back to sleep. This is friggin great! What help! So, I go to get his bottle ready when suddenly I notice there is a loud snoring noise coming from the hall. What the hell? So, I feed the baby and then go out to the hall to check out what is going on. Somewhere between 1am and 3am Steven got up and then passed out on the floor in the upstairs hallway. I'm not quite sure what happened there but, again I leave him where he is.

5am, baby wakes up again. This time I make it first before Christina and start givig him a bottle. However a few seconds later, I look over and Christina is asleep with a fake bottle in her hand, feeding the baby. She was literally in the same position I was! It was hilarious. Steven is still sleeping on the floor and yes I still leave him there.

7am, baby wakes up for morning. I wake up and bring him downstairs so as not to wake Christina. Yes, Steven is still sleeping in the hall and I try to crawl over him to get downstairs with the baby which I manage, barely.

Now, I have to pump bad. You know how it feels. Like rocks in my boobs. So, I put the baby down in his activity gym and go to pump. Wait a minute! Something is wrong here! My pump isn't working. Oh no! The guys passed out and left the dogs downstairs with free rein to the house and they ate a critical part to my breast pump, the tiny white valve. It won't work without it! AHH!! Seriously people!

So, anyway that is another story but, let's just say. Why the hell do they not sell breast pump parts in the store AND why do you have to order them from the manufacturer directly AND why don't they make a nice cheaper pump to buy in the meantime? Can you say "manually pumping sucks big donkey balls??"

Ok, back to my story. So, Steven wakes up in the morning and I ask him what the heck was he doing sleeping in the hall and he says Matt woke him up and kicked him out because he was rubbing his back in his sleep. SO FRIGGIN FUNNY! and when he got up he started puking so he decided that sleeping on the hall was closer to the bathroom and I'm thinking, five steps more to the bed was too much? Ok, whatever!

My sister wakes up and I say to her, "Thank you so much for all your help last night!" It was awesome and she turns to me and says "what help?" I explain what she did and she say "I don't even remember doing it. It must be innate from having the girls or something." and I think to myself, oh why oh why couldn't I have been a lesbian?